when i go out, i hold my pee as long as i can, because my options are either to pee in the men’s bathroom and fear for my life, or pee in the women’s bathroom and be terrified of causing a woman to fear for her’s.

anyone who’s been out with me can tell you how scared i am of the bathroom, i’m usually ushered in, held by the hand by one of my femme friends, while they reassure me that everything is okay and that no one is scared of me, but i see the looks on people’s faces, i see the split second microexpressions that tell me “you don’t belong here”, and who can blame them.

the media in 2026 is so dead set on portaying this image of a huge, muscular, bearded man in a dress, forcing his way into the women’s bathroom and assaulting the nearest person, the government of my country has made it illegal for women like me to use the women’s bathroom, i cannot blame people for a second for being scared when i enter the room.

but where should i pee?

countless times i’ve hidden in the stall in the men’s bathroom because i hear people outside who i know will cause trouble, or walked in and seen the way men lock eyes with me, like they’re entitled to me, it feels like the only time i’m allowed to pee in public is when a place is “kind” enough to have a gender neutral bathroom, and even then i feel like i’m in the wrong space. it’s been so drilled into me that i am not welcome to use the bathroom, that even inclusive spaces can feel wrong for me.

and i feel like i’m missing out on a part of womanhood for it, i feel like i can’t have bathroom talk with my friends, i can’t have messy selfies in the mirror, i can’t help my friends undo their 20 layers of tights, skirts and underwear and i can’t have my friends help me, it’s stupid i know but i’m tired of being a trans woman. why can’t i just be a woman?

and it’s only getting worse, i thought that as the years went on acceptance of trans people would continue to get better, but it feels like its just getting worse and worse, the world treats us like criminals, like perverts with a fetish for dressing up and imposing that on everyone around them, like predators skirting the system to prey on women. but i’m just a girl.

laura <3